I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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