I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
