I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
