just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
