all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
