I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
