My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
