My first STD was from a foam party
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
