I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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