Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
