dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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