i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
babies were throwing up all over the place
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
