jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
