it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
