Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
