I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
