i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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