Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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