I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
