Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
