Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
