Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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