I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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