Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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