I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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