When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize