I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
