Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
