I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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