Kiss
Puke
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
