I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
