im having a threesome with these popsicles
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
