saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
