I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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