Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm eating all of the evidence.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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