I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
