there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So much rum. So many feels.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Text me some of your sweat
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
