Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
