Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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