they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
