we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
