I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
