dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
