When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize