i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
