Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
