I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
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