remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
