he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
