hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
