he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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