i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
