Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
