It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
