Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
