So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
