xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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