i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize