you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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