she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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