She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
