I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
