his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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