You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
