you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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