I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
