conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
