I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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