hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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