i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
