God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
