Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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