I wish my penis had an off switch
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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