babies were throwing up all over the place
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
