So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
